yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
