East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We are two peas in an std pod
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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