please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
