I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
