She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
