why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
