im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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