And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize