I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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