I wish I only lived at night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
