Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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