my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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