i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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