Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
