shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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