I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dignity is for republicans.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
