you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
