so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize