A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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