You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
