Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
