you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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