I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
