sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
