chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
