toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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