I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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