I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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