Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
