I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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