I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
