a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
