my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize