I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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