I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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