Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
