don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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