Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
