I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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