It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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