The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
