So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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