So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
