Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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