You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
