just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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