girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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