I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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