I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
