Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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