Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
