and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
