that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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