So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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