Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
