Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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