Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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