well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
