you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
