BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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