I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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