Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
