Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
