I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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