who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
