Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
