I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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