Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
