If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
