Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We just shotgunned beers for America
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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