All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
