I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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