Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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