nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
