Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
