his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
