apparently the secret to your success is patron
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What a dumb baby whore.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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